My Potential Career As A Dog Whisperer

So, in my sort-of -retirement mode, I’m “rediscovering” myself, i.e. What do I want to do when I grow up, or when I get to the other side of my soul-searching sabbatical? How do I re-invent myself? Of course, I intend to redeem my do-over pass based on a wise and educated choice, and only after carefully exploring ALL of the options. So I am holding the door wide open to possibility; the universe is my palette, if you will.

There had to be a place to begin the process of “excavating” my true self, so hubby Kirk made the decision easy with his (ahem) thoughtful and certainly well-intended Christmas present…a puppy.
I assure you this is not meant to be a Marley and Me–ish blog, but my puppy experience in the first three weeks of retirement does warrant mention, especially since the education process led to my elimination of a potential career. (Also, the timing seemed appropriate since “America’s Top 10 Dog Breeds” was a headliner on my MSN home page yesterday.)

Those closest to me seemed surprised when I shared the news of my new puppy, though self doubt may have skewed my perception. Up to this point, no one outside of my very innermost circle (me and my hubby) knew anything about, “The Test”. Please be gentle in your judgment of my nature as you read this - - my public confession.

Several years ago, I took an online test about what kind of pet was a best-fit for me. There were lots of questions about lifestyle, personality, family life, etc. Genuinely interested in determining my pet match, and eager for precise results, I answered each question as honestly as possible. After checking the most accurate multiple-choice response, I clicked “send” and waited with anticipation to meet my match. I anxiously watched the rotating hourglass on the monitor as my test-answers were calculated. Finally, there appeared a message on my screen, “Please click here for test results”. I DID click there, and my computer screen revealed the test results and my best-matched pet…as none other than a PET ROCK! Are…..you..…kidding…..me?! What the world?!! Not even a goldfish or a lizard, for cryin’ out loud?! I was mortified. I promptly exited the page, deleted my temporary internet pages, cookies and browsing history - any evidence linking me to a pet rock!

Last week with only 15 days’ experience as a new pup owner, the humiliation of my long-ago internet pet match was still too raw for even an anonymous confession on Kristina’s “Post Secret Post”. My self-doubt was only made worse by my eldest son Jared’s consistent reminders of previously failed dog-ownership experiments. Every time he has seen the new pup, he greets it by a different name, always one given to a dog from one of those failed experiments. (Mind you, each of those past pups went to a good home, but how is it that Jared recalls the name of every single trial-and-error animal that ever crossed the threshold of our home? Tucker, Louie Ebony, Harker, Jiffy, Goldie, Jasper, Sadie – how embarrassing. )

My gag reflex when I clean up dog-mess and my hyper-vigilant attention to the NEW pup’s in-house activity, assures me that a career as a Dog Whisperer is not likely in the cards for me. But a few more dog-days have passed.

Some minor but encouraging puppy success has given me newfound confidence and a glimmer of hope. Perhaps maturity and experience has infused me with enough nurture in my nature for more than just a blasted rock! This pup’s a keeper Jared, so ya better learn his name - - It’s RIDER
Update: While I was occupied updating my blog, Rider (apparently relishing the freedom of my less-than-thirty-minute distraction) discovered the toilet paper roll, my underwear from the clean pile of laundry, and a brand new spot in the Master Bedroom to mark his territory……….serenity now!